So at the moment I'm having some issues with my mental health and I wanted to talk about it. It's not easy to have mental health issues. You fight every day to want to be alive and have good people around you, it gets to a point where all you can do is hide. I just moved to university and I already feel like I shouldn't have. Everyone on my course is supportive of me, especially since I dont know if it's what I want to do anymore. Surprisingly Journalism is plain and simple but one of the hardest things for someone to do especially when having these issues. I feel like I cant get up for my lectures lately, and I dont want to go in. If anything it makes me feel uninterested with my course. Even while I sit at home during reading week writing this blog I feel as though it's not something that I want to do.
At the end of the day the only thing I think I can do is carry on with the course and I'm not even sure that thats what I want to do. I love the thought of doing radio but I dont want the baggage that comes with it. Learning shorthand, interviewing people to write stories, any of it. I just want to be myself and not rely on what I've learnt. The world is crawl and unpleasant in this way. It's not about who you are or what you're capable of doing or what you want to do. It's purely what you have learnt in your life. Which isn't fair when you're incapable of doing something 24/7.
All I want is to do well, and yet I sit and cry to myself because I'm anxious all the time, I feel discomfort knowing that I can't get anywhere because of my conditions and the world that I come from. I want to prove myself wrong but I can't. When fighting this for 7 years and telling yourself you can you find a point where you can't anymore. You find it impossible. I just can't. I want it to stop.
